So Thanksgiving is Thursday, and I happen to not be as huge a fan of this holiday as many. Maybe that is because I am not an overweight, gluttonous American obsessed with "catching up" with family by repeating mindless, 6-word oversimplifications of what I am currently doing. I also think football is a violent, classless excuse for a sport. Among other things.
Thanksgiving, in my opinion, is also poorly placed throughout the year (don't I have to see all these people again in a month anyway?) and not even useful. Except for drawing names for Christmas presents. That shit's important. To be honest, I spend half of Thanksgiving trying to bogart the babies so I won't have to talk to anyone.
Actually, now that I think about it, there is one thing about Thanksgiving that is great: watching my grandmother get drunk. Everything else about it is anti-climactic: listening to your cousin rattle on about the mindless joyride they're having as a sophomore in college, getting really tired from turkey/wine, and thinking about all the things you could be doing, including stalking people on facebook, painting angry watercolors, and playing text twist.
Thanksgiving is a terrible holiday. I am thankful every day of the year; why should I have to play grabass for a whole day and night to show it? No, Auntie, I don't want to try your crazy quiche, and how many times must I repeat myself about not sampling all of the horrible things on the dessert table? GIRL IS PICKY. Give it up.
And please don't get me started about the indian/pilgrim thing. Thanks for the smallpox bitches. I'm ordering a pizza. Happy Thanksgiving. See you in four weeks.
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