I will begin this post by admitting that all women are absolutely insane. If you find a woman who disagrees, she's either drunk, a very jaded lesbian, or a combination of both. We are crazy. And that is why you love us. We are complicated, opinionated, and generally unstable. BUT WE ARE USUALLY RIGHT. Admit it. And we're pretty and we smell good. To leave it at that would be unfair, and all of my girlfriends would leave nasty comments about how I am a traitor to my gender. Fear not, bitches. I live with a 23 year old PhD student, and every day he does/suggests something that I probably would not have considered as a pre-teen. Not only does he still take a pregnant pause at Spongebob while channel surfing, he will use totally incorrect catchphrases like "You're obsessed about that" and "You could hear a needle drop".
While much of this is slightly agitating, it really is quite cute when you consider many of the other childish things men do. They spill things and have no comprehension of "clean" or "tidy". I've also found that asking Brandon to scrub a particularly crusty pan will result in my finding the same pan a day later full of water and soap suds. In these instances, there is almost always bickering over whether or not the pan needed actually be soaked, or if Brandon did not feel like scrubbing it at that time. Usually I end up cleaning it myself, but there is always a sense of cozy motherhood associated with these things.
Men are also like children in that they surprise you, and provide genuine support almost all the time. Just today I was complaining about how cold it was, and how badly I have seasonal mood disorder. For those of you who still have habitats on the east coast, enjoy your sunlight. It never comes here. Brandon told me he had a surprise waiting when I came home from work. Lo and behold, fiance got me 10 tans at the local tan salon to ease my Vitamin D withdrawal symptoms. HOW SWEET. Really though, men are so strange sometimes, but deep down they are so much easier to read than women.
For men, life is simple. You get up, do your shit, don't do your shit, go to bed. You either like someone or you don't. You are mad or you are not. You're hungry or you're not. You love someone or you don't. I would die to know how it would be to live like that. Last night I was winding down, getting ready for bed, and I heard Brandon playing Xbox live with what I assume were a bunch of 13 year old boys.
"Oh yeah, f*** you duuuude. I'll ROTATE my d*** in your a**...WHATEVER MAN YOU SUCK..."
Ahhh the life. To harass kids in another state that are almost half your age over an imaginary battle. And I bet he enjoyed it. And that was the highlight of his day. A video game... against pre-pubescent strangers.
I love men. I really do. They are so mysterious. But unlike women, who are mysterious in an obnoxious "i will deprive you of my sex until you figure me out bad boy" way, men are mysterious because they are like children: you never know what they will say, what they might break, and why they don't understand that you can't wear black sweatpants with a brown dress shirt.
Yeah... holiday season is stressing me out. First, I've come to learn that St. Louis is NOT on the same latitude as Virginia. In fact, it's gloomy and FREEZING. Always. The thermometer not crawling above 17 F all day is unacceptable. My car froze three times already this week, meaning it was impossible to enter, exit, or unlock. And while I'm complaining about St. Louis, here's a message for the 5 or more homeless people that walk in front of my car on four lane roads daily: get the hell out of the street, and stop wearing a black coat if you're black while walking in the dark. NO ONE CAN SEE YOU. You aren't hunting. Camouflage is unnecessary in major cities, dipshits.
