Damn you, country music.

I usually don't have very emotional responses to music unless they are acoustic and led with deep, depressing minor piano chords. Extra sad points if I or someone of equal or greater talent is singing and acting them. Even more points if they are written about something truly moving, like dying, ending your relationship, or realizing you are very small speck of nothing in a sea of crazy world shit.

Country music is absolute crap, ok? And I am going to be brutally honest about this. These days, most of it is completely contrived, and uses the same I- IV- V progression that pop songs use. Think Kelly Clarkson if you're super confused. It uses a formula: verse, chorus, verse, chorus, bridge, chorus, chorus. Pick a topic a general wal-mart frequenting audience can relate to: growing up, love, living simply, wooing a farmer's daughter, fishing and YEEHAWW: country song.

Anyway, not to offend any of you that really like country music. I'm sure you also like a specific football team, you still talk to your high school friends and go out to bars with them...hell, you may even be carrying a baby out of wedlock. I'm not judging. Country music is popular. I grew up in Virginia, so you don't need to tell me it's a staple. IT IS.

Unfortunately, I decided to further my education. I know, it was terrible. Therefore, I started listening to Jack Johnson and Norah Jones and all the pothead things my friends and boyfriend listened to. I occasionally created the spicy party mix for the roomsters, making sure to include some Livin' on a Prayer, Soulja Boy, and old school Brit hits like 'Slave 4 U' and 'Toxic.' I crashed my car to that song. Anyway, there was very little room in my life for Kenny, Keith, Alan, or even Randy... Travis that is. Dude, that "Forever and Ever, Amen" song is a classic. It includes the words "as long as old men sit and talk about the weather, as long as old women sit and talk about old men." Adorable. So yeah, I missed out on all the "good stuff" for a few years. See that joke there? You would if you listened to country music.

Anyway, recently, I decided to have a listen to some country music while driving. I had to pull over because I was bawling. Occasionally, I'll pick Brandon up from lab and there will be hints of tears in my eyes and he will pretend not to notice. Many times, my girlie subconscious just needs a good cry. That's when it's time for some country music. In case you are a skeptic, I've compiled a list of country songs, new and old, guaranteed to pull on your little heartstrings. Because no matter how terrible and musically mundane this stuff is, it makes you want to just curl up and have a beer with your dog. And weep.

Don't Take the Girl, Tim McGraw

Live Like You Were Dyin, Tim McGraw

Stealin Cinderella, Chuck Wicks

My Little Girl, Tim McGraw

The Good Stuff,  Kenny Chesney

Remember When, Alan Jackson

There Goes My Life, Kenny Chesney

If You're Readin This, Tim McGraw

Concrete Angel, Martina McBride

How Can I Help You to Say Goodbye, Patty Loveless

You Were Mine, Dixie Chicks

Little Rock, Colin Raye

Godspeed.