Spanx for Dudes

They all did it because of the job market.. or for extra back support.

I was watching Ever After last night at 2am (I have no regrets) and this commercial came on. Please consider the implications of the target demographic for Ever After at 2am.

He likes chicken.

But the kid can actually sing, so... whatever. Someone please give him a job. We are in a recession, guys. AND TALENT IS TALENT.

May I present St. Louis's new anthem:

LL Bean & Friends

Well, it's that time of year. The time of year when your mail consists solely of life-altering gas bills, all those Netflix dvd's you put on the bottom of the list because nothing good's been released on dvd in months, OH AND CATALOGS. They found us. Our mail carrier must scoff at the varying degrees of white we are based on how many CB2's we get in a single day. (One day it was 3.) And while I very much enjoy skimming through these mind-blowing collections of shiny house things, my favorite catalogs are those of the LL Bean variety.

LL Bean has been around longer than Christmas. At least it seems that way. And if I hadn't watched "The Origin of Christmas" on the History Channel the other night (guys... it wasn't Jesus.), I would have reason to believe that the Beans themselves invented the Christmas tree and maybe even the concept of marriage, family, and appreciation for the outdoors. They are resilient, welcoming, and look good in plaid. They understand the vain desire to monogram any and everything possible.

LL Bean catalog collecting is a signature move for newly married couples. Brandon and I, however, have been receiving these bad boys forever. We don't actually consider purchasing anything from them, but it's nice to know there might be a family out there who looks great in big fluffy awkward coats and wants to decorate an entire tree with wellie ornaments. My favorite part of the LL Bean catalogs is typically the pet section. Without a doubt, each time I flip through a new LL Bean, I will fantasize about having a large dog with a matching large dog bed. I remember being little and asking my mom if we could get dog beds. Like, for my brother and me. Also, I dare you to tell me there is anything more rugged than a clean-shaven man in earmuffs holding a puppy.

Wikipedia says that LL Bean was founded in 1912. (Also that they are known for their excellent customer service.) But I think that maybe the spirit of LL Bean, and all its glossy counterparts, may have been born in a barn somewhere in the Middle East, surrounded by cows, horses, sheep, and maybe a few decked out gay men to steer the marketing approach toward women. I think that maybe the concept of this hike-loving, canvas bag-toting company was rooted in something bigger. Something so magical it brings people together. I think that LL Bean had something to go with the origin of Christmas. Maybe the History Channel never checked into this possibility. Worse yet, maybe they don't even get LL Bean catalogs.

Canvas bag full of puppies seemed appropriate.

Merry Christmas. This is my house.

What do you say to your loving, sensitive, scientist husband

After he tells you he just killed 60 mice and is very sad?

Apparently not this:

me: im sorry you had to kill 60 mice

im sure they were happy to be no longer living in their stinky cages with their stinky mouse friends

they are in mouse nirvana now

lots of cheese and wheels and no cats

Brandon: I'm going to mouse hell.

me: there is no such thing

only mouse nirvana

lots of holes in the walls

Cinderella is there, and she will enlist their help in making dresses

And especially not this:

Travis: tonight you should be like

brandon

let's watch ratatouille

or mouse hunt

OH

THE WITCHES

YOU SHOULD WATCH THE WITCHES

As we enter the holiday season...

Please remember that the best songs, movies, books, and stories are never ABOUT Christmas, they just include it. Merry Christmas mood. Please excuse the fact that my Bareilles obsession extends past my respect for Joni Mitchell's original. eee.

I just love this girl.

It takes actual talent to make a song about a stalker something worth listening to. She could sing Hakuna Matata and make it sound like Bob Dylan wrote it.